Lessons Learned From Having Been Married, Then Divorced, I Want To Share With Others

You, your potential spouse. and any future children may be glad you read this

Photo by Ryan Pouncy on Unsplash

“The great marriages are partnerships. It can’t be a great marriage without being a partnership.” — Helen Mirren, actor

So you’ve found someone you want to “settle down with” in the traditional sense of getting married. Good for you!!! Let me offer heartfelt congratulations! The giddy happiness, deep passion, the “head-over-heels” feeling of walking on air when you see/hear/think of him or her … all are wonderful feelings that everyone deserves to feel.

To those of you contemplating making your relationship a legally-binding commitment that one expects will last their lifetime, I would like to offer — along with lots of good wishes — a few points to ponder. Not as a marriage counselor, but as a divorced women who is rather observant, who loves to watch people and their behavior, and is an avid, long-time student of psychology …. a woman who has been watching and participating in relationships for — well, let’s just say many, many years.

It is from these observations of numerous other couples, married and not, along with my own two experiences of marriage, that I gleaned the following pieces of advice that people might want to chew on before they book a church and buy the dress/rent tuxedoes, etc.

(I’d like to add that when I did a search for relevant information, I found tons of articles on “questions to ask before you marry.” Some listed 100 questions, others said 20, 13, 43 to ask, and so on. So there are numerous sources to check in to, and some might even be very helpful.)

“So, it’s not gonna be easy. It’s going to be really hard; we’re gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me, everyday” — Nicholas Sparks

The latest statistics say that close to half of all marriages will end in divorce. This statistic has been pretty static for several years. From my perspective, I think one of the problems underlying marital problems is this: Some (many??) people perhaps get married with lofty (possibly unreasonable or unattainable) expectations of what the marriage will be, how it…