The Agony of Watching Someone’s Slow Self-inflicted Suicide

Carlene M. Dean
13 min readAug 26, 2020
Photo by Sunyu Kim on Unsplash

“It’s been a while since I could say / That I wasn’t addicted. It’s been a while Since I could say / That I loved myself as well.” — Staind, It’s Been Awhile

There is probably nothing more sad than watching someone you care about dying.

I am quite positive this is not news to most people. Given that cancer is so common — especially here in the good ol’ U.S. of A. — most of us have probably seen one or several of our friends and loved ones pass away from this awful disease.

My late, great mother succumbed to pancreatic cancer just over four years ago. So I’ve been witness to it first-hand. The experience is like a wild roller coaster ride of emotions. One minute you are up, next you’re down. One day you hear good news that your loved one is doing well and the next might be a “bad” day for the cancer patient.

But the disease I’m talking about losing someone to is a bit different than cancer. For one, it has an element of choice. We generally do not “choose” to have cancer, though one could say certain lifestyle choices might lead to developing it. There is tons of research and theories though I’m not sure there are any definitive answers on what causes the various kinds of cancer.

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Carlene M. Dean

Experienced professional writer/freelancer and former newspaper reporter-turned-online writer/blogger. Thinker. “Old soul”, young hippie, empath.