Why so many people “settle” in their romantic relationships

In a crowded bar/restaurant you see him/her checking you out with an appraising eye. Then the bartender walks over with a drink and says, “The gentleman/woman over there bought you a drink.” You wander over to the person who gifted you and fall into a fabulous, open and fun conversation, decide to get together on some future occasion, at which time a marriage proposal comes up because you are oh so perfect for each other …..or so the stories about supposed “happily ever after” sometimes play out in the movies.

We all have templates in our heads for “perfect” (or even close enough to perfect) partners, people we would like to meet that we believe will “make our lives complete.” We might have a general blueprint we carry around for how we think our relationships should progress (straight to the bedroom, or to cohabitation, or marriage). All of these ideas and hopes often come about because of the (what I see as rather unrealistic) depictions of “perfect” relationships we see in the movies or on TV shows.

These are all good and fine in theory but in real life, “perfection” is a myth. Some of us wouldn’t recognize a “healthy relationship” (which is more based in down-to-earth reality) if one bit us on the nose, or came along holding a neon sign.

Those of you who have been swimming in the dating pool for a while (as I have) know what I’m talking about. All that brainwashing in our youth by Disney movies (with, for example, the sleeping princess who awakes to her…